Is it possible? Could it get any worse?

Those of you following the events of the past few days on my blog have probably thought I sure am glad it's happening to him and not me...

Get ready for more gloating.

The kids and I were stuck at home all day on Saturday due to the snow. This wouldn't be such a big deal, except for one problem: my kids are at an age where they like to annoy each other. Mercilessly. Repeatedly. Until I want to throttle them.

So they fought all day and I went slowly insane. I put chains on the tires again for Laura, then she left for work. She called when she got to work and told me two awesome things:

1) One of the tire chains broke
2) The day shift from her job were all sleeping at the hospital because they couldn't get their cars out safely. So she (Laura) planned on staying at the hospital too - sleeping there on Sunday and working the night shift Sunday night. In other words, we wouldn't be seeing her for more than 36 hours. And she had the car seats with her...

So, knowing that she wouldn't be coming home and knowing that I couldn't leave the house and knowing that the crazy fighting kids were my only companions, I wept.

Okay, not really, but I wasn't very happy about it.

Anyway, I woke up in the middle of the night on Saturday/Sunday morning to this:

"I wet my bed. I woke up and I was all wet." It was Ethan and he had (guess what?) wet his bed. I got him in bed with me and fell back asleep.

I woke up in the morning to screaming. Ethan came into my room freaking out and for good reason: while I slept peacefully, he had been playing in the bedroom. He was standing on a bed holding two cords from the window blinds, when he slipped and fell. He fell forward onto the cords, which slid across his neck as he fell, giving him awful rope burn. It looks like someone tried to strangle him with a rope or something.

I don't know that he could have been strangled - I don't think the cord ever wrapped around his neck. But it was still a freaky way to wake up.

Last but not least, was fun poopy time.

All day Callie had been smelling like poop, but every time I checked her diaper it was clean. Finally in the afternoon I smelled a really terrible smell and realized she had actually gone.

I went upstairs and grabbed a diaper and two wet wipes and came back down. But when I got to Callie, I realized I was woefully underprepared.

There was poo all over her fingers. Luckily for me, she knows it's gross, so she was holding her hand out and not touching anything.

Then I saw the poo on the floor: wet splotches that looked like melted Hershey's Kisses. Then I saw it on her pants. And her shirt.

It was everywhere.

I got her upstairs, stripped off the clothes, started a bath, then put her in the shower. Since she had seen me turn on the bath water, and since bath tubs have toys in them, she freaked out. "Bath! Bath!" she yelled, running out of the shower. I corralled her with my leg and managed to get her back in the shower, where I sprayed a layer of poo off of her and down the drain. Then I picked her up, put her in the bath, and started scrubbing.

I finally got her clean, dry, dressed, etc. We went back downstairs and all was well...

Except the kids wouldn't stop fighting. And I had to take out the trash, except the snow was in the way. So I backed up my car to clear some snow, but got stuck halfway down the driveway. I finally got the car free and back into the garage, but I had to carry the trash container down to the curb because the snow was so deep.

And guess what? It's Monday morning at 11:00 and Laura isn't home. She can't get here because of the snow. Stupid snow.

And we're supposed to fly out to Wichita tomorrow, but all of the flights today are delayed or canceled. I sure hope it clears up this afternoon...

Will it ever stop? Yo! I don't know...

Last night Caitlin told me she felt sick right as I was tucking her into bed. I got a trashcan and put it next to her bed and said "If you throw up, come let me know and I'll help you."

About 30 minutes later when I went to check on her, she was in the bathroom taking a drink. "I don't feel good," she said. "If I throw up can I take a bath?"

I wasn't sure why she wanted a bath, but I replied "Do you want to take a shower? You can. Your brother and sister are asleep..."

She did, so I got the water running, got a towel for her, then went downstairs while she soaked in warm water. I put a towel on her pillow (for her wet hair), then got her out of the shower and into bed.

Fast forward an hour...

I was playing a video game by myself in the dark, when I heard a strange noise. It sounded like someone bumping into a door.

Stupid cat I thought, Why can't you stop scratching at the door? Then I heard another sound - sort of like a cat hacking up a hair ball. Dang it! Now I have to go check on him...

But as I got to the garage door, I realized that the sound was coming from upstairs. I went up quickly and found Caitlin standing in her bathroom, puke all over the counter and floor, and with her hair hanging in the puke. She was gasping for air and trying to keep from falling over.

I put her in the shower (again), put on a latex glove, and cleaned up the puke. I used Clorox wipes to wipe everything down good, then threw the soiled towels and stuff into the washing machine (after rinsing them in the sink).

I finally got her back in bed, then went to bed myself. Then I started feeling sick...

The next thing I knew, it was morning and my stomach was upset. I won't go into details, but let's just say I went into the bathroom and liquid came out of a place that usually contains solids. For five continuous minutes!

Ugh. At least I didn't puke, eh?

When is enough enough?

Let's count the ways that this week is totally awesome.

1) Snow storm. It has snowed quite a bit the past few days. In fact, the kids' school has been closed all week so far and my work was only open on Tuesday. If the weather is as bad tonight as they forecast, we might be staying home tomorrow as well...

I'm not a big fan of snow, but I kind of like driving when there aren't many cars on the road. Even if I have to go slow, it's still fun.

2) A sea of puke.

I might not get all of the details of this right. It's been a long few days. If I remember correctly, Ethan threw up first a few days ago. Then Callie threw up the next day. Then last night Caitlin threw up. Then in the middle of the night, Ethan threw up all over himself. Then this morning Callie threw up on her bed. Then she projectile vomited apple juice all over me and our bed.

Seriously, it's been like 10 pukes in the past five days. A pillow covered in puke stayed on our bedroom floor for about 24 hours because we just didn't feel like dealing with it anymore.

3) Busy work.

I've had a lot on my plate at work lately. I don't say this to complain, but rather to point out that it's a crappy time to be missing work. Part of me loves getting to stay home, but the other part of me thinks How am I going to get all of this done before Christmas break?

The worst part: I promised the Executive Director that I'd have a report to her on Monday. It snowed. It is now Wednesday night and I haven't been able to deliver the report. And guess what? She is retiring. Friday is her last day of work. If I don't get it done tomorrow (due to closures, laziness, or whatever), she just might retire without it.

Happy retirement.

4) "Spring" Cleaning.
Even with the kids sick over the weekend, I did a ton of housework. I swept and vacuumed, did some dishes, finished sorting/folding/washing the laundry in the laundry room, gave the kids a bath - I spent most of Sunday working.

But Laura didn't get to appreciate it. By the time she was home and alert on Monday afternoon (she worked night shifts all weekend), the house was trashed. I tell you true - these kids can go from spotless to shameful in about 30 minutes.

It makes me want to cry.

5) Money.
With Christmas coming, money is tight. No, I won't mince words: it sucks. We've been through with credit cards for more than five years, but we've had to rely on one this month and we haven't even paid all of our bills yet. Yikes.

Hopefully the tax return will be good, which will let us pay off the full balance.

6) Electric Boogaloo.
The power went out today for about an hour. It was actually funny, because I was business as usual (video games, thanks to my PSP), and the kids played hide and seek with flashlights. Fun times.

7) Last but not least...
We let the kids open their Christmas presents today, since they were stuck in the house for the third day in a row. It was fun.

We got Callie her first dollhouse with a mom, dad and baby, and she loves it. She played with it several times throughout the evening, even though she still feels sick. That's pretty cool.

And now you know what's been going on in our neck of the woods. :-)

Hadley Fox

HadleyFox.com

Hadley Fox died today at 3:30 a.m. Most of you don't know her. She was eight years old (three months older than Caitlin), her mom went to high school with my wife, and she had a brain tumor.

I've been keeping up with Hadley on the above site for many months. When the family brought in hospice and decided to quit treatment, we all knew the end would come sometime. But it's still a shock for an 8-year-old kid to die.

I was lucky enough to see Hadley a few weeks ago at a birthday party. She enjoyed some cake, then fell asleep. Her quality of life wasn't the best towards the end, but she was still smiling and gentle and kind. My son wanted to use a lightsaber at the party and Hadley let him use hers.

I didn't spend much time with Hadley in the past couple of years, but I'll miss her. Everyone please say a prayer for the Fox family as they grieve.

:-(

The Amazing Race - spoiler alert!

In the world of Reality TV (we know it's not really reality), The Amazing Race stands above the pack when it comes to quality, variety, and pacing. I love Big Brother and Survivor, but something about watching people get kicked out of a game because of their own mistakes is ... gripping.

This season was one of the best I've seen, and for good reason. Nick and Star (brother and sister) set the bar high with good communication, excellent work ethic, and an insight into how the tasks were created that allowed them to fly through most of them.

They did an amazing job and deserve their reward.

But let's talk about that finale, why don't we? Did you notice it was based in Portland? Did you know that I live in Portland (or at least a suburb...)?

Almost every location they traveled to is a place I'm very familiar with. Newberg, where the Tilicum camp is located, is not too far from my work. I could have given them easy directions. I've driven across the Bridge of the Gods. And all of the downtown locations were places I'm quite familiar with.

One of the shots actually showed the front door of Bullivant Houser Bailey's office building, which I worked at for over a year. The Standard Building (where they found the green dinosaur) is across the street - I used to eat lunch in the cafeteria of the building.

Voodoo donuts is awesome. They sell donuts with Cap'n Crunch and Cocoa Puffs on them. I used to walk there from my job sometimes. And Pittock mansion is a place we went just before we got married. I have pictures of me and my groomsmen behind the mansion.

Watching the race occur in places I know was thrilling. It made it more personal, more exciting. More real. I wish I had known they would be racing here - I would have gone downtown to watch.

But I have one lingering question: what happened to Dallas and his mom? He was always flirting with Star, so I bet he likes her even more now that she's a $500,000-aire. But they were nowhere to be seen...

I'm guessing that the loss of their passports in Russia delayed them from coming home to the U.S. I wish the show would have mentioned it, but they pretended nothing hinky was going on... I call foul!

Anyway, I thoroughly enjoyed the show. And a good time was had by all.

Mindbending...

You have to try this flash game.

Art? Insanity? Delusions?

I enjoyed the game, but it is certainly an odd little beast...

Kids TV Shows

I hate to sound like that guy who always says “When I was a kid, things were better! They were different! Blah blah blah!”

But I’m going to.

You see, the other night my family was sitting around in the living room. The kids and I had just finished playing a video game together and when I turned it off and switched on the Tivo, a “kids” show was on.

“Oooh! Zack and Cody!” my daughter said. “I want to watch it.”

The show was “The Suite Life of Zack and Cody” and my kids had watched it before, so I left it on. The show is about two twin brothers (guess their names and win a prize!) whose dad is a famous rock star. They’re rich, so they live in some sort of luxury high rise apartment (hence the ‘suite’ in the title) and they have amazing rich kid adventures.

The boys are about 10 years old – maybe 12 at the oldest – and in this episode they somehow had access to a ‘condo’ that was fully furnished. Each of the twins invited a girl from school over to the condo so they could be alone with them, not realizing that the other brother had done the same.

This bugged me. Since when is it okay for two pre-teen kids to be alone in an apartment? And since the boys lied to their mom about it (“I’m going to a movie with a lot of other people,” one of them said), it was an even bigger deal.

Then one twin accidentally kissed the wrong girl due to a mixup. Since when is it okay for pre-teens to be alone and kissing? Then when the group was all together they started to play spin the bottle…

And that’s when I turned the show off.

What kind of kids’ show has spin the bottle in it? And kissing? And lying? And boys and girls hanging out together alone?

It was really disappointing. This is one show I encourage you to stay far, far away from.

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In related news, Callie (who is 2) is now addicted to “Pee-Wee’s Playhouse”.

Yes, the same “Pee-Wee’s Playhouse” you and I used to watch as kids. I have a couple of seasons on DVD and she loves it. I’ve sat and watched it with her and it’s amazing to me how harmless the show is compared to “The Suite Life…”

It’s a strange show – with a genie, a cowboy, a talking chair, etc. – but the humor is harmless. I know what you’re thinking, though… Pee Wee was arrested for masturbating in a porn theater! I know this. But it has nothing to do with his show, in my opinion, so I don’t mind.

Does anyone have any good suggestions for other kid shows I can buy on DVD for my kids to watch? If Pee Wee is on all of the time I’ll go nuts…