Did you know that I'm an a........

Did you know that I'm an alcoholic? Okay, so I'm not a fall-down-drunk, pass out in vomit (except that once at OC) kind of alcoholic. But given my addictive nature and my personal quirks, it probably isn't surprising to find out that I loves me some rum.

A lot.

Let me put it this way: tonight is the second night in a row that I haven't had any alcohol - which is a record since I went to Kansas three weeks ago. (And no, I wasn't drinking more because of recent family issues - this has been normal for several months.)

It's strange, because I don't get drunk really. I just drink enough to dull my senses a bit and make me relaxed enough to fall asleep without taking a sleeping pill. So if I'm not getting drunk, why am I drinking at all?

It's simple. My wife works the night shift, and she's been working quite a bit lately - sometimes five or six nights in a week. Once the kids are in bed - at 8:00 during school and 9:00 during the summer - I am home alone. I can watch TV, play video games, or watch movies, but those activities get boring quickly and leave me bored and stir-crazy. I can do the dishes or clean, but a lot of the time things look pretty good around here (thanks, hon!).

So I drink to pass the time.

But even though I don't get violent or sick or anything, I still see this as a problem and I know I need to stop. Everything in moderation, right? So that's why I'm putting it on my blog for you to see. I don't think drinking alcohol is immoral. I don't plan on turning into a teetotaler. But I want to slow it down and make it less of a 'nightly alone-time ritual' and more of a 'infrequent social situations' kind of thing.

I don't expect you to do anything, really. Just knowing that this information is out there in the ether is enough to make it 'real' so I can knock it off.

It sucks getting addicted to things. Grrr. Why can't I be addicted to being good?

Is God wishy-washy?

So here's an interesting question for y'all (I'm so country!):

How 'black and white' are God's wishes for us? Is He a God of moral absolutes, or is there wiggle room in how he wants us to behave? When God says something (or says something through the Bible) is it negotiable?

These questions have been circulating through my brain today due to an email I received...

Last week I emailed the youth minister of our current church and asked if I could have the opportunity to speak to the youth group about my recent issues with pop culture, movies and music, etc. I attached a copy of the 'sermon' I wrote last year to give the youth minister an idea of what I would say to the teens.

His response - paraphrased:

"Oh, well, we already have speakers set up for the next several months so we don't need you. And besides, we don't let anyone speak to the teens who hasn't been a member of our church for less than six months (note: I've been a member for almost a year).

Oh, and besides that, I think your message is harsh and nobody needs to hear it. I think having a knowledge of pop culture (i.e. movies, music, etc.) gives us an opportunity to speak to heathens. In fact, I use pop culture in my own ministry. And nobody would listen to you, so we don't want to hear it. Thanks."

---

I have to say - his response surprised me. We're not particularly fond of the church, so that's not surprising, but the fact that he wouldn't want the teenagers to hear this kind of message is surprising.

Let's face it: the God of the Bible is harsh. He is jealous, He is violent, and He has no problem destroying things that do not please Him. Not only that, but He is very clear about what He wants and what He doesn't want from His followers.

I'm not one to normally capitalize every pronoun that describes God, but in this case I did it for emphasis. God is an entity - a person, so to speak - with preferences, rules, and things that seem to really tick Him off. Just read the Old Testament and you'll see a number of instances where rules existed and anybody who broke those rules paid the price.

Some were sucked into the ground. Some were killed instantly. Some were ripped apart by their enemies. In fact, if there was one over-arching message you could take from the Old Testament it would be this: don't tick off God at any cost. (I know that's a generalization, but it's pretty close - Paul says that the whole point of the Law is to show man what sin IS so that the new law can show man how to successfully survive the wages of sin.)

So what is to be said when a youth minister doesn't want his teens to hear about how destructive sin can be? He actually said "You speak as if this is a black or white issue..." as if it isn't.

To be honest, my sermon IS a bit harsh. It IS demanding. It basically says "If you are enjoying the same things as everyone else, you might want to reconsider your priorities."

But what's wrong with telling that to teenagers? Either they will believe what I say and change their lives or they will dismiss me as an idiot and ignore me. Either way, what is the harm?

It's not like I want to tell them that using communion trays is wrong or using musical instruments comes from the devil. All I want to say is that sin can creep into your lives in ways you might not notice. But somehow that's bad...

As I said: I'm surprised that a youth minister would be so closed off to this line of thinking. When he said "I use my knowledge of pop culture to minister to people" I think what he meant was "Don't attack my lifestyle! It's not sin, beacause I take part in it too, jerk!"

It kind of makes me sad...

Review: "Departures" movie

I almost cried tonight. I probably would have if the stupid Prozac wasn't keeping my emotions under strict control. I haven't cried since my Grandpa's funeral a couple of years ago - or at least not that I can remember - and I was really close.

When I say that I almost cried, I mean it as a compliment, by the way. It's hard to get me emotionally invested in a movie - in anything at all, really - and it was nice to be touched by something that was predictable but still endearing.

So let me explain what "Departures" is about so you can say to yourself Sounds like crap. I'm not watching it.

Not only is the movie in Japanese with subtitles, but the plot sounds extremely boring when you type it out: a professional musician (he plays the cello) is forced to move back to his hometown when the symphony he plays for is disbanded (literally!). While searching for a job back home, he runs across an ad for a job "helping with departures" that pays excellent and requires no experience.

But everything is not as he thought - he assumes 'departures' refers to a travel agency of some kind, but is told that the ad was misprinted: it was supposed to say "helping with the departed."

And thus begins his new career as a preparer of the dead. His job is to prepare bodies to be put in their caskets so they can then be incinerated in a crematory. His one goal is to give the family something beautiful to remember about their loved ones before they 'send them on' to whatever happens after death.

And I won't tell you any more about it, because if you watch this film you will hopefully be as captivated as I was by it.

The story is quiet and quaint, the humor is infrequent yet enjoyable, and - as I mentioned at the beginning - the plot is touching throughout.

I was a bit hesitant to see this movie as it was rated PG-13 and I don't really watch many of those anymore, but my fears were unfounded: there are no swear words, no violence, no nudity. The rating is for the subject matter alone: death and how people react to it.

If you aren't afraid of subtitled movies and if you like to learn about how other cultures deal with death, this is a fantastic movie for you. And even though I'm not usually moved by music in a movie, when the lead pulls out his cello several times to play songs, I was captivated every time.

What a wonderful surprise.

Cool music video.

Guesstimating Motivations

Here's something that has been on my mind recently.

How can you truly know another person's motivations? How can you know what drives their behavior?

Sure, you can ask them:

"Why did you eat that piece of candy, Callie?"
"I like candy."

And that might explain part of their motivation. But it doesn't explain everything. For example, let's assume I had already told Callie that she couldn't have candy anymore today. Perhaps the fear of a spanking has affected her desire for candy to some degree and now she is getting the candy to test her boundaries. She would never *admit* that, but it is certainly a possibility.

Or what if, God forbid, she had a disease of some kind that made her feel hungry more frequently than a normal person (a tapeworm?)? That could affect her enough to make her sneak food or candy.

I know that's an extreme example, but my point is this: we are all driven by many motivating factors, and, most likely, we will never be able to know what truly motivates the behavior of people we come into contact with.

What I CAN say for certain is this: there are some criticisms of other peoples' motivation that are valid, and there are some that aren't.

Here's a good example: let's say (hypothetically, of course) that someone accuses me of being selfish. Another way of saying "You are selfish" is to say "You are bad because you do what you want to do instead of what I want you to do." Do you see the irony there?

The person complaining is upset because I did not do something the way they wanted it done or the way they would have done it. In other words, they are being selfish and are upset because I put my own desires ahead of theirs.

A similar invalid criticism would be to accuse someone of being arrogant. The very fact that you are accusing them of arrogance (which is a motivating factor for sure) shows that you feel you are in a position at least equal to them, if not above them, and are qualified to criticize them. In other words: you are arrogant too!

So what sort of criticisms are valid? The best way I can figure out is to compare your opinion against 1) the frequency of the behavior 2) the typical outcome of the behavior and 3) the opinions of others.

So let's say I work with a girl who just bugs me. Every time I see her, I think What a suck-up! She'd do anything to get promoted. She must be a gold digger. I'm sure you've never known anyone like that, right?

(As an aside - people frequently think I am a suck-up when they first meet me... They mistake my attitude and personality for ambition. But once they get to know me better, they usually realize I'm just odd.)

If you wanted to see if your opinion of her motivations was accurate, you could first check the frequency of her behavior. Does she try to flatter the same people on a regular basis? Or does she flatter everybody equally? Does she frequently leech on to people in power? Does she act differently when the boss is not around?

These are all clues to her motivation.

The second thing is to check the typical outcome of her behavior. Do people treat her differently after they've known her a while? Does she get promoted faster than other employees, even though her skills aren't up to par? Does she get her way a lot? Do people give her things or do things for her that they wouldn't give/do to others?

And finally comes an evaluation of what other people think. I'm not advocating gossip, mind you - it's never okay to talk behind someone's back. But you can certainly keep your ears open and see if you ever hear anyone criticize her in a similar manner.

What if you heard someone say "She's been acting strange ever since her brother died?" Could that change your opinion of her?

You can rarely trust what people say as gossip, but you can use it as a barometer to find out if overall opinion of her is positive or negative and to get a feeling for the general understanding of your peers.

Also, remember this: you'll hear completely different stories depending on who you listen to. If you hear her boyfriend talking about her, it might be different from what her mother would say. Take that into account.

After you've done all of this work, you still might not know anything more than when you started. That's the curse of this whole situation. But it's better than nothing. I'd rather make an educated guess than take a shot in the dark. How about you?

Did any of that make any sense?

My cute wife.

Here are two pics that show off my wife's piercings - including her new one that I believe is called a 'daith' piercing.

The unusual ones are her eyebrow ring (finally back after a couple of years' hiatus), her new daith (the one inside her ear) and the industrial (the one that goes through her ear twice).

I've always thought piercings were hot, so I really like the way she looks. But don't look too long, guys, because she's all mine.

Grrr!

A new car!

Do you see that minivan in the picture above? Imagine it a dark shade of gray - one that I refer to as Smoke - and you'll have an idea what our new car looks like. It's a 2008 Chevy Uplander.

We've wanted a new car for a while. My parents generously gave us their minivan about seven years ago and I drove it from Kansas out here to Oregon. Since then it has seen a fair amount of tragedy: the front bumper was pulled half-way off, a bicyclist cracked the front bumper, a tail light was broken in a minor accident, the van was keyed by someone who disagreed with the bumper sticker...

Not only did it have quite a few cosmetic issues, but in the past year and a half it also broke down quite a bit. We had to get a new transmission, new steering column, new battery, etc. And that doesn't take into account the interior, which was starting to fall apart after 11 years in service.

So we knew we wanted something new. And since neither of us had to work yesterday (or the night before) we decided to go shopping. We originally wanted a Toyota since my Corolla has given us so few problems, but the car lot we visited didn't have any Siennas. Instead, we ended up driving the Chevy Uplander and we decided we didn't need to look anymore. It fit everything we were looking for.

I won't go into details about the car because I'm not much of a car person. But I can say this: the air conditioner works and it has a DVD player. That was enough to sell me. :-)

This isn't the first car we've purchased on our own, but it is the *nicest* one we've purchased.

The new van and our (relatively) new house wouldn't have been possible without the great jobs we've found. God is good!

Wow.

EMBED-Westboro God Hates The World Music Video - Watch more free videos

The worst part? The little girl at the 5-minute mark. It broke my heart.

This is not the post you are looking for...

I'm still in the process of editing and re-editing my next real blog post. I should get it up sometime tonight. In the meantime, there has been some discussion of the "Caught You Looking At Porn" widget on my blog, so I thought I'd explain what it is and how it works.

First of all, the widget only invades your privacy a tiny bit. It doesn't record any identifying information (unless it is set up to, as I'll explain below) and it doesn't even give me that information. It is basically a blind robot that reports basic facts.

When you click on a link on the Internet, the link changes color. You've probably noticed that through normal usage. When you log onto my blog, the widget uses a pre-determined list of "hundreds of sites" that are known to contain pornography and compares them with your browser history to see if the link has changed colors. If it has, the widget reports it as ANON: followed by the link that had been visited.

Once again, I'd like to point out that it does NOT record any information about you, nor does it report any information to anyone.

So how are there names on the list? That's easy. If someone visits my blog through a specially set up link, I can make it put a name in the box. So if I asked you to visit tacodave.blogspot.com/#BillyBarty then the name Billy Barty would appear instead of the name ANON.

An old friend asked me how it works, so I sent them a link - tacodave.blogspot.com/jurban. That's why that name is there. Then I showed my wife how it works using the name Bubba (after clicking on some pornographic links on purpose to demonstrate).

So if the widget doesn't include any identifying information and doesn't report to anyone, why did I include it?

I've posted here in the past about how big of a problem I think pornography is - not only in society, but in the church. I think this widget gives a good demonstration of just how pervasive the problem is. It is basically holding up a mirror to anyone who visits my blog. Either you see it and don't care, or you see it and feel guilty because some of those ANON listings could be you...

So don't worry about invasion of privacy. That really isn't an issue here. Instead, if you see the widget and you are worried that you might be adding to it, you might want to consider how you spend your time online.

Subjective objectivity

One thing this world sorely lacks is objectivity. It is impossible for us, as flawed humans, to describe an experience in such a way as to give the listener a complete, matured understanding of what has transpired. It is impossible to remain objective in the face of competing emotions, life experiences, and prejudices.

A good example of this was in a story about Black Rage that a professor had us read when I was a sophomore in college. In the story, a black man (African American for all of you PC-friendly people) was in line to buy coffee at a coffee shop. He had just had a really bad day and was ready for a steaming cup of Joe. But as he got to the front of the line, the shop employee said "Sorry, we've run out of coffee."

The man assumed that this was a lie and he was being treated badly because he was black. He left the coffee shop in a rage and ended up beating up his wife. What he didn't realize was this: the next person in line was white, but they didn't get any coffee either. The shop really was out of coffee. His race had nothing to do with the situation, yet his preconceived notions of how black people are treated 'colored' (excuse the word choice) his understanding and resulted in an act of violence later that day.

In the same way, every single observation and experience we have is 'colored' by our background. No two people have ever experienced the world in the same way, and most of us have had vastly different experiences altogether.

So what do you do when you are part of a social unit where every member has similar expectations except for you? What do you do when your views of rationality, fairness, and equality aren't respected by your peers in that group?

Here's a good example: you probably know that I have OCD. It is a real disease, it has been diagnosed by four different doctors, and I am on medication to help keep it subdued. Yet there are people in my life who refuse to believe that this is a real condition. For the past ten years they've tried to tell me I just need more self control or I just need more Vitamin X in my diet or I just need to pray more or whatever. They can't accept the fact that my brain chemistry is just out of whack and I'm not in control of it.

It is nigh on impossible for me to change their perspective on this issue. They haven't experienced it. They haven't felt 'off' in such a way that their entire life feels like a twitchy, uncomfortable mess. They just call me names like "touch me not" and "moody" and discard my discomfort.

And yet - how can I expect anything different? They DON'T understand. They HAVEN'T experienced it. They haven't walked up to their front porch and seen - not just imagined, but seen with their eyes - their wife's head sitting on the porch for a brief second before it disappears. I have.

So if they don't really accept that what I experience every day is reality, and if I know that they don't have a frame of reference for understanding my reality, how can we communicate with each other?

This is one of my biggest problems with the human condition. Everything we do is 'he said/she said' or even more profoundly 'he experienced/she experienced'. There is no constant to compare to.

It's one of the reasons I love blogging. It gives me a chance to put an experience up for the world to see, then I can get feedback on how 'normal' or 'freakishly off' my own observations and reactions were.

It's nice to be able to see how other people see the world. It's nice to know that sometimes I am a freak, but other times I am completely normal. And it's nice to receive supportive comments, even in the midst of personal trials.

Even if we don't see eye-to-eye, I thank you for being here.

What is the evidence of a Christ-like life?

I'm sorry to go off on a Bible tangent for those of you who aren't Christians. Please bear with me. This has been on my mind today.

Have you ever heard of the 'fruits of the Spirit'? These are the evidences in a Christian's life that they are living in a Godly way. The Bible lists them as:

Love
Joy
Peace
Patience
Kindness
Goodness
Faithfulness
Gentleness
Self Control

If I'm not mistaken, then if you can look at your life and see these attributes, then you are likely living 'in the spirit' and pleasing God. If, on the other hand, you look at your life and see dissatisfaction, strife, unfulfilled longings, angst, and irritability, then you are likely not living as you should be as a Christian.

Do I claim to have all of these fruit in my life? Not at all. I've never claimed to be a perfect person or even a good person. What I can honestly say is this: most people don't even concern themselves with peace or kindness or gentleness. It's not a part of their lives. We're taught that we are evolved creatures and we only survive by being fitter than everyone else. By out-surviving everyone else. It's a cut-throat world, and you'd better watch out for #1 or you've had it.

But the Bible teaches differently. To have these fruits of the spirit in your life is a blessing. I can't tell you how nice is to truly be at peace with your life. I can't tell you how wonderful it feels to be kind or gentle. But I can say this: if everyone in the world strove for just one of these fruit, the world would be a much different place.

Examine your life. Examine your fruit. If your life isn't full of peace and kindness and self control, perhaps it is time to look at the source.

Review: "The North Pole Project" by Number One Gun

NOTE: This album came out a year and a half ago. But it's new to me, so whatever.


There are certain bands that don't quite fit into any mold. A few years ago I found one such band - Minus the Bear - and I bought one of their albums. Their music was sort of a mix between indie pop and electronica with really strange rhythms and syncopation. The music was fascinating and enjoyable, but so odd that I could only listen to two or three songs at a time without getting frustrated by it.

Number One Gun's newest album "The North Pole Project" is a similar beast, but it's like they took all of the cool/unique aspects of Minus the Bear, then added some melodies and 'singability' to the music that made it actually listenable. It feels like a mainstream band with some unique indie/electronic sounds added to make it interesting.

In fact, it is not only listenable, it is actually quite catchy. It's strange, because I frequently have this album on my MP3 player, but when I see it listed in the music folder, I always think "What is that? I don't think I like that music very much..." Then I actually hit play every once in a while and every time I am impressed enough to listen to the album the entire way through.

So is that a recommendation? Absolutely. This album is a bit different from some of the other things I've listened to. Some of it sounds like Minus the Bear. Some sounds like Hello Goodbye. But ultimately I think it is a success and I look forward to Number One Gun's next album.

Uh-huh.

You might want to read the comments on my last post before reading this one...

Also, please note that I never intended this level of 'argument' on this topic. But a family member felt justified in posting comments on my blog post, and I am only responding to those comments.

---

I don't think there's anything I said that disrespected my mother or my father. In fact, if you read my original post you will see that I specifically pointed out my own bad attitude in all of this. I didn't project motives on either of them. Here are quotes:

"I (rudely) said"
"I just said 'I don't have time for this. I'll call you when we get to Portland.' Then I hung up."
"I admit that I was a bit rude."

I wasn't criticizing Mom or Dad as people, nor was I calling attention to their morals or ethics. I was just pointing out something that annoys me to see if my annoyance was justified or if I was just being a jerk (like you always seem to think I am). The only thing I said that was 'jerky' was that I had to watch extra kids all week, which is 100% true. Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday we watched extra kids. It was our VACATION yet we were reduced to BABYSITTERS for no real reason. We ended up with three adults (me, Laura and Devon) taking care of seven kids. It wasn't cool.

My whole point isn't about mother/father/child/sibling relationships. It's about common freakin' courtesy. About respecting someone else's preferences. My entire extended family has a whole slew of unspoken rules that you have to abide by or they make your life miserable. For instance, if one family member wants to go see 'The Aviator' but you have no interest in it, they will push and pressure and prod until you either give in or they pout and go home. There's no way to say "I'm not interested, thanks," without having drama.

Yet if I mention that something annoys me, they act like I've ripped up a Bible or something.

If I don't like to be called on the telephone as I'm boarding an airplane with three small kids, please respect that. This is far from the first time it has happened, and it isn't the first time I've made my annoyance known. But none of you seem to care. That's why I posted it in my blog - to see if I was being neurotic. And based on the other comments I've received, I wasn't. I was spot-on.

The fact remains: there are many more things I could detail about our trip that were immature and stupid. So far I've kept to generalizations and the 'big' details out of respect and common courtesy. I've spoken only of the annoyances of the trip, not of the shallow, childish things several people did. Trust me - I'm not alone in observing them. They were mentioned by other people too.

So please take a moment to analyze your behavior. Calling me names on my blog comments certainly isn't a very grown-up thing to do, that's for sure.

In case you missed it...

I recently received the following comments on my post about our trip to Kansas:

"Anonymous said...

this biggest baby on the entire trip was you.

AND

if you hate coming here so much, just don't come, rather than being a jerk and airing dirty laundry on the internet."

---

I think I can safely assume who left this nugget of wisdom and I have this to say in response: Neener Neener. I didn't 'air dirty laundry' and I never said I hated coming to Wichita. I discussed two specific phone calls I received, neither of which involved you.

The truth is, Laura and I knew before we left town that this trip wasn’t going to be ‘fun’ for us in the traditional sense. We knew that my family would be emotional, and, based upon past visits, we knew that no decisions we make can keep everyone happy - someone will always be upset. So we took it in stride and kept a good attitude the entire trip (except for my impatience with my dad on the phone at the airport, which I’ve already discussed).

When it turned out there would be more people staying at my brother’s house than we were initially told (there were 14 people staying there for two of the nights!), we didn’t complain.

When I found out I had to sleep on a trundle bed and couldn’t even share a bed with my wife, I didn’t complain.

When we got to church on Sunday morning and realized that none of our family could sit together because the auditorium was full, we didn’t complain.

When we ended up going through a cafeteria line after church with our three kids plus two extra kids – and nobody to help us – we didn’t complain.

When we went to lunch with my sister a couple of days later and had already ordered and sat down when my dad showed up with three more kids – only to drop them off and leave immediately, causing me to have to go back through the line and order more food while mine got cold – we didn’t complain.

When I couldn't swim because of my staph infection, but sat in a deck chair and sweated while watching the others swim, I didn't complain (much). Two days in a row.

Much of the trip was not fun. Yet Laura and I didn’t fight with anyone, didn’t argue, and only complained to each other.

To put it another way: my wife and kids and I don't get to take 'vacations.' Our trips and time off from work are spent almost exclusively going to Kansas to spend time with my family. Not only that, but Laura and I work opposite shifts and very rarely get to spend time together. So spending time with my wife on this trip was as important to me – if not more important - as spending time with my extended family.

But nobody cared about that. They could only see things from their own viewpoint, which sounds like this:
We don’t get to see Dustin’s family very often. When they are in town, we want to spend as much time as possible with them, even if they have other plans.

We’ve been planning their trip for weeks. We have tons of great ideas of what we want to do with them while they’re in town. They should be willing to go with the flow and do what we want to ensure the best time for everyone. After all, we live here. We know which restaurants are best, which stores are best, how time can best be utilized, etc. because we are locals.

---

There’s nothing wrong with this point of view. I’m not saying they shouldn’t be excited to see us and they shouldn’t want to spend time with us. However, if you look at things from the other perspective…

My wife and kids and I think like this:
Finally a vacation! We get to spend a week off of work, free to do what we want, when we want. And even better, we get to spend that time together. Callie recently said “I like when Momma and Daddy are both here.” We do too and it’s not nearly often enough.

We know the trip will be planned in advance of our arrival. After all, we’re going to a wedding that has been a year in the making. We fully expect to have specific tasks and appointments (picking up tuxes, attending the rehearsal, attending the wedding, etc.) and we’ll do what we can to make them work smoothly. But we won’t ignore one fact: we’ve got three kids with minds of their own. They might not want to sit at a wedding reception for four hours with nothing to do…

When it comes time to eat food, it’s great that sibling A suggested these two restaurants and sibling B suggested these two. But we’re really in the mood for THIS restaurant, which we don’t get to eat at often. It’s a bit expensive, but this is our vacation so we can splurge. We’re not making this decision to hurt sibling A or sibling B’s feelings, we just want to enjoy our time off of work (and food is something I’m very picky about).

When it comes time to plan an activity for tonight’s “free time,” we’re the guests – the visitors in town – and we’re the ones on vacation. I think it is fair for us to decide what we want to do. Maybe tonight we want to see some of my old friends who live here. That’s not a slight against my family, rather it is something that is very important to me. If it didn’t fit in with your plans, then I apologize. But I never offered up our plans for you to take control of…

---

There’s a big difference between those views. They’re both selfish – we’re all trying to maximize our time together for our own personal benefit – but since this is basically our one vacation for the immediate future (and trust me, we paid for all $1,600 of the plane tickets), I don’t think it is unfair to give us some leeway and let us move at our own speed while we are there.

Derin goes on trips to Disney theme parks every year. He gets vacations where he can make the rules and maximize his idea of fun. My parents go on trips multiple times in a year where they can make the rules. They have time to relax and feel comfortable. In fact, my mom is ‘sick of’ going on cruises because she’s been on so many.

So what’s wrong with me wanting some down-time on my vacation? What’s babyish about wanting to do things that I enjoy, even if you don’t enjoy them? When 3/4 of my trip is scheduled before I even arrive in town, that last 1/4 becomes precious and I plan on making use of it.

---

And that, dear readers, is how you alienate yourself from your family. You tell them why your viewpoint is different from theirs, then they get upset.

My MRSA infection.

This might explain it...

And here's more info on MRSA.

Personal Expectations

We're supposed to 'do unto others as we would have them do unto us' right? So how am I supposed to react when someone else treats me in a way that they find perfectly acceptable, but I find perfectly annoying?

I know that the other person doesn't want to be treated the same way as me. It is clear by their actions. Yet shouldn't they care what my personal preferences and expectations are?

Let me give you an example. On our return trip from Kansas, we had a scheduled four-hour layover in Denver. When my parents said goodbye to us at the airport, my dad said "Call me when you get home. And when you get to Denver. Just so we can know how you're doing."

I'm not the type of person who wants or needs constant contact. If I had things my way, I would take off in the airplane and not call until we were safe at home in Portland. So even though that would be my personal preference, I agreed to keep my family updated as we traveled.

We landed in Denver at 2:25 and we supposed to take off again at 6:20. I called my dad around 3:00 and told him we were safe in Denver and that I would call him again once we landed in Portland. Then we proceeded to kill almost four hours in an airport with three kids, four carry-ons, and a partridge in a pear tree.

Our plane ended up being delayed by 15 minutes - not so bad in the grand scheme of things - so we were still sitting in the terminal at 6:05 when my phone rang. I looked down and saw that it was my parents calling.

That's strange, I thought. They know we are supposed to take off at 6:20 so why would they call right now? It must be important.

But of course it wasn't. My dad was just calling to ask "Have you taken off yet?"

Now I don't know about you, but this annoyed the heck out of me. First of all, if we had taken off, I wouldn't have been able to answer. Secondly, at 6:05 I was most likely trying to get settled into the plane and get the kids buckled in - not a great time or place for a phone call. And last of all, if he wanted to check in with us, why didn't he do it in the previous 3 1/2 hours when we had literally nothing to do? Why wait until he thought we were getting on the plane?

I (rudely) said "Why would you call me when you know I'm trying to get on a plane?"

"I didn't know you were busy," my dad said defensively.

"Of course we're busy! Our plane is scheduled to take off in 15 minutes. That's ridiculous!"

The phone call quickly devolved from there and ended with him trying to lecture me until I just said "I don't have time for this. I'll call you when we get to Portland." Then I hung up.

I admit that I was a bit rude. But for goodness' sake, why would someone call at the exact time that I'm most likely to be busy? My mom did the same thing the night before we left. She called and said "Are you guys busy packing for tomorrow?"

If you think we might be packing, why would you call to ask? Your call interrupted our packing for no real reason!

What do you think, lurkers? Should I just grin and bear it, or do I have a right to complain when this kind of thing happens? I know I should be nicer about it, but it was after an entire week of people acting like babies and me being forced to do things I didn't want to (like watching other peoples' kids), so I had reached my limit.

Boy, howdy.

Hello, ladies and gentlemen.

I'm caught in some sort of general malaise right now that I can't quite shake. I'm not depressed - far from it. But I feel like I used to spend a ton of time watching movies and playing video games and now... nothing has replaced that time.

Tonight Laura is at work and the kids have been in bed for almost two hours. I have nothing to watch on the DVR on the regular TV listings. I don't own any movies I haven't seen recently. And I'm bored with the video games I have. I'd much rather play them with the kids, it appears, which is surprising.

So what do I do? What do you do to fill time when you can't leave the house (the kids are in bed) but you have no entertainment? Read the Bible? Surf the Internet?

This is my problem.

It would be nice to have a good friend who could come over and hang out. Video games would be better against another human. But there's a limited supply of young Christian guys my age in this area.

I know I've blogged about this before a bit, but it's still annoying.

And what about church? Every time I attend church recently, I almost can't stand to be there. I feel like nobody there knows me. I've been attending for a year and I could count on one hand the people who know my name. And the teaching feels so much like lukewarm baby milk that it makes me sick.

The theme for this year is "Being God's Masterpieces." What a load of rubbish! There's nothing in the Bible about that. If anything, the Bible makes it clear that Christ and Christ alone is worthy of praise. By our very nature we are spotted and imperfect. A masterpiece is the pinnacle of art that everyone adores. I don't know about you, but I don't want to be placed on a pedestal for the world to see. I've got too much sin in my life.

And with sermons like "God Wants to Give You A High Five!" (no, I'm not kidding), I die a bit more inside every Sunday. I'm certainly not worshiping.

So where do I go to church? There doesn't seem to be any small, organic churches in this part of the country. I've searched everywhere I can think of online, but haven't found anything. So what should I do? Move? Start my own home church? Give up and cry?

Like I said - I'm not depressed, just in a funk about this stuff.